It is still sinking in that I am in Bali… my lifelong dream and my fear at the same time. Why the fear? To travel alone? Not really – perhaps it is intrinsic, bigger than all this, larger than conception itself. Possibly it is the fear of a knowledge deep within. Truth, inner wisdom, ancient knowing, karma, past life connection, divine timing, fate or perhaps it just plain is.
From the rice fields to the busy streets, the store fronts with the cheery shopkeepers, they all have embraced me. Or is it I that have embraced them? Is it the strangers that come up to me ask me if I remember them? How can I feel more at home here that I do at home?
How can I feel more at peace here and more connected here yet so very far from home and all I have to do is look up to the night sky and the stars and their formations and feel the familiarity or walk the broken sidewalks and sense I could do it with my eyes closed? How come the evening chirp, make that the evening squeal of the crickets hits my heart more like song and in the daytime, especially early in the morning the dragonflies as they dance thru the misty skies remind me… of something; of somewhere, of sometime past?
The sun beats down on my skin and my body soaks it all up, it feeds me for I know that I am born of the sun but I do not know how I know. Even the rain dances here. Starting off slow and sweet giving you only one moment before it opens up its heart and dumps its love on the land. The drops hit so hard they jump for joy before settling down once again into the flow. They are the wise ones for they do not know resistance, they fall, they flow; they do not question where or why they are going, they just go. They know no fear, only purpose.
Was my fear really of coming to Bali and travelling alone? My soul already knows the answer; my soul knows only the truth. The fear I held was one of realignment with my Spirit, fear of connection to what I hold as sacred and fear of an intensely powerful transformation.
There is something in me that has now been completed; something for which there are no human words to describe except a knowing, a believing, a trusting that what I feel is true. Something mystical yet authentic and so genuine.
A death has occurred in me yet I feel no sadness for there also has been a birth in me and for that I celebrate. Both will remain to dance together in my womb, twins, never to be separated again. The dark and light, the sad and the happy, it is the true ongoing balance of the yin and the yang.
Wholeness, completion and fresh beginnings forever dancing; frolicking in the waves we call time. This is my Bali. Welcome home.
– Kelly Chamchuk